Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
