yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
