Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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