Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
