honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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