420 ftw
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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