He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
