dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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