you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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