A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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