I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
