There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
