Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
