you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
