I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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