who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
