She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
