just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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