Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
