Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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