What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
