just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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