shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
