Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
