I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
