Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
