Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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