I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
