Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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