Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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