FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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