You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
