um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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