somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
