Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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