Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
