its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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