Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
