Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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