it was like eating out sand paper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
