Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
