what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
