i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
