so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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