I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
