I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
