I hate all girls vehemently.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
