I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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