there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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