there's paper in my vomit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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