I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
