no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
